I’m a certified nutcase, a professional madman!
And although people frequently think I’m clinically insane,
I try to behave as normal as I can,
I smile in the sun, and frown in the rain!
People have called me a stark, raving lunatic,
And no matter how well I behave,
The opinion seems to stick,
And I’m left with no dignity that I can save.
Sure I have moments where I laugh hysterically,
But that doesn’t make me psychotic, technically!
Sure I say things I may not really mean,
But it’s not a situation that few others have seen!
Sure there are times when I uncontrollably cry,
But it’s not a reason to leave me where I lie!
Sure I sometimes do things out of the ordinary,
But that’s no reason to send me to an infirmary!
Sure I see things differently from others,
But that’s no reason to get the shudders!
No matter what I do or what I say,
People don’t see things my way,
And at the end of the day,
I’m left where I lay!
A certified scrambled brain,
I’m always branded insane!
-Aviv Nair
11/8/2008
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Found and lost!
I’ve made a lot of mistakes which I regret,
But I’ve made the biggest one yet,
By saying something I’ve said to very few,
That I care too much about you!
For once, it hard to describe how I feel,
To someone who’s helped me keep an even keel,
I was alone, abandoned by everyone,
But you were there when I needed someone!
I troubled you, but you tolerated me,
I irritated you, but you humoured me,
I bothered you, but you helped me,
Everytime I called, you were there for me!
But I was blind, and failed to see the bar,
And carelessly, I stepped too far!
i looked back and saw that it was too late,
I had lost, unknowingly tempting fate!
The crutches supporting me suddenly disappeared,
As the old canyon below me, reappeared.
Once again, without hope I fall,
With nobody to hear when I call!
My eyes drip water like a sieve,
As I prepare to take my leave.
This isn’t how I wanted it to end,
By losing a dear, close friend!
You mean a lot to me!
I’ll miss you!
-Aviv Nair
5/8/08
But I’ve made the biggest one yet,
By saying something I’ve said to very few,
That I care too much about you!
For once, it hard to describe how I feel,
To someone who’s helped me keep an even keel,
I was alone, abandoned by everyone,
But you were there when I needed someone!
I troubled you, but you tolerated me,
I irritated you, but you humoured me,
I bothered you, but you helped me,
Everytime I called, you were there for me!
But I was blind, and failed to see the bar,
And carelessly, I stepped too far!
i looked back and saw that it was too late,
I had lost, unknowingly tempting fate!
The crutches supporting me suddenly disappeared,
As the old canyon below me, reappeared.
Once again, without hope I fall,
With nobody to hear when I call!
My eyes drip water like a sieve,
As I prepare to take my leave.
This isn’t how I wanted it to end,
By losing a dear, close friend!
You mean a lot to me!
I’ll miss you!
-Aviv Nair
5/8/08
Morning
The alarm rings, I hurtle out of my dreams,
I was just with her, holding her, or so it seems.
I switch it off, get back to sleep, waiting for the next ring,
I’m back in her arms, so happy, so in love, I want to sing,
She kisses me softly, and holds me, when the next alarm sounds,
I snap it off in anger, my frustration knows no bounds!
I try to go back to her, tossing and turning,
But it’s no use! I’m awake with visions of the dream churning.
I blunder into the bathroom, and put the paste on my brush,
I glance at the clock, more than an hour, there’s no rush!
I look in the mirror, and notice my smile, I love her so much!
For a minute, I go back in the dream, feel her tender touch!
Suddenly, I snap back to reality, in the mirror I see my face.
Damn, I thought I looked good, but sadly that is not the case!
I get ready to bathe, suddenly I’m holding her again, we’re about to kiss,
The water jolts me back, I’ll get late for office!
I quickly finish bathing, and start to dress,
The clothes aren’t ironed, but I couldn’t care less!
I hurry to the office, thinking I’m late,
But there’s no one there, so I’ll have to wait!
I take the chance to go get breakfast and tea,
I look for my friends, but her face is all I see!
I switch on the computer, and again read her mail,
The words “I love you!” make me so happy, I feel I could wail!
I read each and every message, as it starts to lightly rain,
Each word I read makes me happily insane!
“Hi!” “Good Morning!”, I barely hear my friends say,
They walk in, I close the mails, and begin my day!
-Aviv Nair
3/6/2008
I was just with her, holding her, or so it seems.
I switch it off, get back to sleep, waiting for the next ring,
I’m back in her arms, so happy, so in love, I want to sing,
She kisses me softly, and holds me, when the next alarm sounds,
I snap it off in anger, my frustration knows no bounds!
I try to go back to her, tossing and turning,
But it’s no use! I’m awake with visions of the dream churning.
I blunder into the bathroom, and put the paste on my brush,
I glance at the clock, more than an hour, there’s no rush!
I look in the mirror, and notice my smile, I love her so much!
For a minute, I go back in the dream, feel her tender touch!
Suddenly, I snap back to reality, in the mirror I see my face.
Damn, I thought I looked good, but sadly that is not the case!
I get ready to bathe, suddenly I’m holding her again, we’re about to kiss,
The water jolts me back, I’ll get late for office!
I quickly finish bathing, and start to dress,
The clothes aren’t ironed, but I couldn’t care less!
I hurry to the office, thinking I’m late,
But there’s no one there, so I’ll have to wait!
I take the chance to go get breakfast and tea,
I look for my friends, but her face is all I see!
I switch on the computer, and again read her mail,
The words “I love you!” make me so happy, I feel I could wail!
I read each and every message, as it starts to lightly rain,
Each word I read makes me happily insane!
“Hi!” “Good Morning!”, I barely hear my friends say,
They walk in, I close the mails, and begin my day!
-Aviv Nair
3/6/2008
Monday, January 12, 2009
Mourning
I mourn for my life, for my love lost,
I cry for the suffering, for the cost.
I try so hard to keep myself engrossed,
To keep my heart covered in frost.
As I mourn for my life, my love lost.
I mourn, for what I nearly gained,
Again I lost, Oh! How it pained!
My spirit dampened, again it rained,
My life ebbed, my love drained.
As I mourn for what I nearly gained.
I mourn for how much I pretend,
To hide from others, that which is the end.
Suppressed, my heart and soul will rend,
My mind lost, watching reality bend,
As I mourn for how much I pretend.
I mourn for what used to be me,
As I close my eyes, I dare not see!
What has passed, what will be,
Has ended, and I am free,
As I mourn for what used to be me!
-Aviv Nair
14 Jan, 2008
I cry for the suffering, for the cost.
I try so hard to keep myself engrossed,
To keep my heart covered in frost.
As I mourn for my life, my love lost.
I mourn, for what I nearly gained,
Again I lost, Oh! How it pained!
My spirit dampened, again it rained,
My life ebbed, my love drained.
As I mourn for what I nearly gained.
I mourn for how much I pretend,
To hide from others, that which is the end.
Suppressed, my heart and soul will rend,
My mind lost, watching reality bend,
As I mourn for how much I pretend.
I mourn for what used to be me,
As I close my eyes, I dare not see!
What has passed, what will be,
Has ended, and I am free,
As I mourn for what used to be me!
-Aviv Nair
14 Jan, 2008
Scent of a memory
The sun bakes the land, breaks me into a sweat, brings life to day.
The drone of bees in the air, the swish of the grass and the whistle of the breeze,
The cool, calm, blue breeze under a canopy of floating cotton balls.
I miss her!
She picks up the phone and her sweet voice fills my world with joy.
The sun hides behind a grey veil as pregnant clouds carry the rains.
A cool refreshing breeze blows, as we talk, share and feel together.
The distance tries to do what our emotions can’t – separating us in space.
A light drizzle wakes the trees, as her laughter washes over me.
The refreshing air, the cool rain, the beautiful weather, all ignored.
As we share the joys and beauty of being in love!
I love her!
The time has come to come back to reality, I snap back to dullness.
With a sinking heart, I cut the call, as the sun breaks through again.
The scent of the fresh earth overwhelms me, as does her memory.
Both bring a smile to my face, and my heart lifts again in joy.
We shall be together soon, not long now, just a few months!
We shall be together forever!
-Aviv Nair
29/5/08
The drone of bees in the air, the swish of the grass and the whistle of the breeze,
The cool, calm, blue breeze under a canopy of floating cotton balls.
I miss her!
She picks up the phone and her sweet voice fills my world with joy.
The sun hides behind a grey veil as pregnant clouds carry the rains.
A cool refreshing breeze blows, as we talk, share and feel together.
The distance tries to do what our emotions can’t – separating us in space.
A light drizzle wakes the trees, as her laughter washes over me.
The refreshing air, the cool rain, the beautiful weather, all ignored.
As we share the joys and beauty of being in love!
I love her!
The time has come to come back to reality, I snap back to dullness.
With a sinking heart, I cut the call, as the sun breaks through again.
The scent of the fresh earth overwhelms me, as does her memory.
Both bring a smile to my face, and my heart lifts again in joy.
We shall be together soon, not long now, just a few months!
We shall be together forever!
-Aviv Nair
29/5/08
As the music fades once more..
I toss and turn, tired yet restless, unable to sleep
It keeps me up, the music that’s supposed to put me to sleep.
The slow, blending and shining melodies remind me of her.
My eyes are closed, but I can see her sharp and clear.
The night is cool and serene, as we gaze at the stars above.
The moonlight bathes the calm ocean, and cloaks us in love.
We hold each other tenderly as the music flows with the waves,
The music, like the ocean, is all around us, woven into the waves.
We look into each others’ eyes as the music speaks our mind.
Unspoken words dance with the rhythm, as we leave the world behind.
As we let the music and the ocean take us into eternity,
As the moments between us become the beginning of infinity.
The music fades slowly, as does the scene before my eyes,
I reluctantly open them, the blinding darkness is not a surprise
The image burned in my mind, as the song says its goodbyes.
I change the song, turn over, and close my eyes once again,
Restlessly, impatiently waiting to make the dream come true,
I close my eyes as the music begins again, slow and light
Showing me new dreams of her, as I pass the night.
-Aviv Nair
29/7/2008
It keeps me up, the music that’s supposed to put me to sleep.
The slow, blending and shining melodies remind me of her.
My eyes are closed, but I can see her sharp and clear.
The night is cool and serene, as we gaze at the stars above.
The moonlight bathes the calm ocean, and cloaks us in love.
We hold each other tenderly as the music flows with the waves,
The music, like the ocean, is all around us, woven into the waves.
We look into each others’ eyes as the music speaks our mind.
Unspoken words dance with the rhythm, as we leave the world behind.
As we let the music and the ocean take us into eternity,
As the moments between us become the beginning of infinity.
The music fades slowly, as does the scene before my eyes,
I reluctantly open them, the blinding darkness is not a surprise
The image burned in my mind, as the song says its goodbyes.
I change the song, turn over, and close my eyes once again,
Restlessly, impatiently waiting to make the dream come true,
I close my eyes as the music begins again, slow and light
Showing me new dreams of her, as I pass the night.
-Aviv Nair
29/7/2008
Saturday, January 10, 2009
It's just a phase
The music plays on silently, unheeded, forgotten,
The bare walls reflecting the myriad of emotions.
The pen hovers over the paper, undecided, hesitant.
Words appear reluctantly, afraid to lose control.
They serve only as an impetus to push the seconds by,
Bringing no comfort, they stop, they wait.
Empty thoughts, like the blank cartridges of a gun,
Fire away and pass through with no effect, unnoticed.
The cigarette burns unsmoked, ash to mark the time.
The food grows cold as it slowly digests the stagnant air.
The periodic drip of water, a countdown to the morning,
As the light burns on, timidly defiant to the overpowering night.
Thoughts coagulate, tired from their unchecked flow,
Restlessness in lethargy, slowly gives way as the hour grows late.
As the mind starts to follow the body, slowing to a stop,
Finally accepting the unavoidable, the ultimate truth.
Surrendering as the darkness closes in, leaving a ray of hope for tomorrow.
Alone and bored, I sleep.
-Aviv Nair
20/6/2008
The bare walls reflecting the myriad of emotions.
The pen hovers over the paper, undecided, hesitant.
Words appear reluctantly, afraid to lose control.
They serve only as an impetus to push the seconds by,
Bringing no comfort, they stop, they wait.
Empty thoughts, like the blank cartridges of a gun,
Fire away and pass through with no effect, unnoticed.
The cigarette burns unsmoked, ash to mark the time.
The food grows cold as it slowly digests the stagnant air.
The periodic drip of water, a countdown to the morning,
As the light burns on, timidly defiant to the overpowering night.
Thoughts coagulate, tired from their unchecked flow,
Restlessness in lethargy, slowly gives way as the hour grows late.
As the mind starts to follow the body, slowing to a stop,
Finally accepting the unavoidable, the ultimate truth.
Surrendering as the darkness closes in, leaving a ray of hope for tomorrow.
Alone and bored, I sleep.
-Aviv Nair
20/6/2008
The Punishment
An old man met the beggar boy on the road one day,
Saw him playing the violin and went up to say
“Wht do you play so slow? Why do you play so sad?
You have such a lovely instrument that composers play like mad!”
The boy stopped playing and looked up at him,
“I play not, sir, just because of a simple whim.
I have no mother, I have no father,
The violin is my friend, and I have no other.”
“I play not for money, I play not for fun,
I play not for the moon or for the sun.
I play for my parents, high up there,
Because they played for me, anytime, anywhere.
They saved me from boredom, and hunger and pain,
They saved me from the sun, moon and rain.
Yet I could not sacrifice a little of my fitness
To save my saviours from their illness.”
“So, say not my song is sad, say not my song is long,
for my parents, it is the most comforting song.”
The boy’s words brought tears to the old man’s eyes
And he thought, “This boy certainly is wise.
He might be happier if I take him home,
Instead of leaving him to the merciless streets to roam.
He may play when I am sad, and accompany me,
He may be pampered and yet make me see,
That all is not lost, so smile, don’t frown.”
At that moment a thunderbolt struck him down,
The boy looked at his ashes and said, “So he was caught,
Having thoughts of saving me, thanks a lot,
Mother and father, for punishing me for my crime,
For I had forsaken you when you had not a dime!”
Aviv Nair
3/5/2004
Saw him playing the violin and went up to say
“Wht do you play so slow? Why do you play so sad?
You have such a lovely instrument that composers play like mad!”
The boy stopped playing and looked up at him,
“I play not, sir, just because of a simple whim.
I have no mother, I have no father,
The violin is my friend, and I have no other.”
“I play not for money, I play not for fun,
I play not for the moon or for the sun.
I play for my parents, high up there,
Because they played for me, anytime, anywhere.
They saved me from boredom, and hunger and pain,
They saved me from the sun, moon and rain.
Yet I could not sacrifice a little of my fitness
To save my saviours from their illness.”
“So, say not my song is sad, say not my song is long,
for my parents, it is the most comforting song.”
The boy’s words brought tears to the old man’s eyes
And he thought, “This boy certainly is wise.
He might be happier if I take him home,
Instead of leaving him to the merciless streets to roam.
He may play when I am sad, and accompany me,
He may be pampered and yet make me see,
That all is not lost, so smile, don’t frown.”
At that moment a thunderbolt struck him down,
The boy looked at his ashes and said, “So he was caught,
Having thoughts of saving me, thanks a lot,
Mother and father, for punishing me for my crime,
For I had forsaken you when you had not a dime!”
Aviv Nair
3/5/2004
Introspection
I sit here in the burning sun,
Thoughts blowing through my head.
Questions and answers, I have none,
As I sit here on the ground so red.
The world slows down around me,
Time filters all that I see,
My memories change about the past,
Everything seems to have happened so fast.
My past is filled with legend and lore,
My future is filled with even more.
I live for now, I live for the present,
I see the moon, both the disc and the crescent.
I see the sun, both scorching and cool,
I see the stars, both the wise and the fool,
I see the earth, both chained and free,
And through all this, I see me.
My life is filled with uncertainty,
Yet I live it with impunity.
My past was far from serenity,
Yet I keep a fond memory.
My future has no assurity,
Yet I view it with confident immunity.
My present is a struggle for equality,
Between my past and my future, for me to be me.
When people ask me again, why?
I see no reason for me to lie.
I tell them I want to break free,
I tell them I want to be me.
I fell in love, and I fell back out.
I fell down, and I couldn’t shout.
I fell hard, and I fell deep.
Long did I cry, and long did I weep.
I pleaded for help, I cried for aid,
I screamed till I heard the echoes fade.
I cried and cried, but no one came,
Day after day, it remained the same.
I despaired in that never-ending night,
Waiting for some sign of light.
At last a glare I did see,
And that light came from me.
I pulled myself out on that uncertain rope,
I pulled myself out of that enclosing coal,
I pulled myself out on that line of hope,
That I can pull myself out of that bottomless hole!
I left behind a scene of utter devastation,
All around me there was death and destruction.
There were hardly any pieces left for inspection,
There seemed no hope of resurrection.
For a month and another, all was dark and dreary,
Wandering a dead world, I grew weary,
So I sat myself down to write some poetry.
Summoning all the strength I could borrow,
I wrote of the pain, I wrote of the sorrow,
But most of all, I wrote of a better tomorrow.
As I write the world grows bright,
Light floods in, gone is the dark,
The world around me is an amazing sight,
Sounds awaken; the birds sing, the dogs bark.
Green trees grow out of the gloom,
I was dead, now I’m born again.
Life around me begins to bloom,
And upon my face, I feel the fresh rain.
Life grows where I had once lain,
Strength immeasurable flows through my vein,
From madness, I grow more than sane,
I’m through with the torture, I feel no pain.
I was lost in the midst of civilization,
Now, I am life!
I would suffer immensely at the hands of others,
Now, I am pain!
I was stumbling and falling in the blind dark,
Now, I am light!
I would beg and pray for mercy,
Now, I am God!
-Aviv Nair
4/1/2006
Thoughts blowing through my head.
Questions and answers, I have none,
As I sit here on the ground so red.
The world slows down around me,
Time filters all that I see,
My memories change about the past,
Everything seems to have happened so fast.
My past is filled with legend and lore,
My future is filled with even more.
I live for now, I live for the present,
I see the moon, both the disc and the crescent.
I see the sun, both scorching and cool,
I see the stars, both the wise and the fool,
I see the earth, both chained and free,
And through all this, I see me.
My life is filled with uncertainty,
Yet I live it with impunity.
My past was far from serenity,
Yet I keep a fond memory.
My future has no assurity,
Yet I view it with confident immunity.
My present is a struggle for equality,
Between my past and my future, for me to be me.
When people ask me again, why?
I see no reason for me to lie.
I tell them I want to break free,
I tell them I want to be me.
I fell in love, and I fell back out.
I fell down, and I couldn’t shout.
I fell hard, and I fell deep.
Long did I cry, and long did I weep.
I pleaded for help, I cried for aid,
I screamed till I heard the echoes fade.
I cried and cried, but no one came,
Day after day, it remained the same.
I despaired in that never-ending night,
Waiting for some sign of light.
At last a glare I did see,
And that light came from me.
I pulled myself out on that uncertain rope,
I pulled myself out of that enclosing coal,
I pulled myself out on that line of hope,
That I can pull myself out of that bottomless hole!
I left behind a scene of utter devastation,
All around me there was death and destruction.
There were hardly any pieces left for inspection,
There seemed no hope of resurrection.
For a month and another, all was dark and dreary,
Wandering a dead world, I grew weary,
So I sat myself down to write some poetry.
Summoning all the strength I could borrow,
I wrote of the pain, I wrote of the sorrow,
But most of all, I wrote of a better tomorrow.
As I write the world grows bright,
Light floods in, gone is the dark,
The world around me is an amazing sight,
Sounds awaken; the birds sing, the dogs bark.
Green trees grow out of the gloom,
I was dead, now I’m born again.
Life around me begins to bloom,
And upon my face, I feel the fresh rain.
Life grows where I had once lain,
Strength immeasurable flows through my vein,
From madness, I grow more than sane,
I’m through with the torture, I feel no pain.
I was lost in the midst of civilization,
Now, I am life!
I would suffer immensely at the hands of others,
Now, I am pain!
I was stumbling and falling in the blind dark,
Now, I am light!
I would beg and pray for mercy,
Now, I am God!
-Aviv Nair
4/1/2006
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